My stomach was churning, I was fearful and anxious . The cause fear and anxiety was because I was going into the city by myself. Although I was to be met at my destination it was a very emotional experience for me. It was the first time of doing anything by myself since my discharge from rehabilitation. It was very scary. I often felt as though I had reverted back to childhood by such experiences. I tended to be very focused on the ‘what ifs’ of life.
Doubts
“What if the lift breaks down
or there’s a fire?”
“I could be on the twentieth floor,
anywhere.’
“I’d never manage to hurry,
not even a few steps.”
“The twentieth floor “Oh!”
“There could be electronic doors,
if I only could get through,
it’s like being snared,
crunched on either side.”
‘What if …
the driver parks
too far away?
I can’t get into the lift?
no one will help me?”
“If my leg starts to jump,
goes into a spasm,
What will I do?”
“What if I fall,
I’ll never get up;
probably think I’m drunk.”
“What if …?”
“I’ll be glad to be home,
safe, and secure.”
“The city, full of danger,
everywhere.”
“Never used to worry me.”
“There are so many people.’
‘What if I’m bumped?
Will anyone help me up?”
“Why did I say I’d come alone?”
“They said they’d meet me,
I hope they do.
“What if they don’t?
“I feel sick.”
…
“What if there wasn’t a God?”
‘Then we would have no one
to care,
to protect us
from the dangers
of this life,
from ourselves,
our what ifs.”
© Helen McIntosh
Sometimes the ‘what-ifs’ of life get in the way of living an enjoyable, healthy life. Most often the ‘what-ifs’ never happen and we have wasted a lot of time and energy being worried and fearful unnecessarily.
Philippians 4:6-7The Message Bible (MSG)
‘Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.’